Wearing of This Garment Does Not Enable You to Fly: 101 Real Dumb Warning Labels

The infamous 1994 McDonald's hot coffee lawsuit has spawned a veritable industry of "hot" warnings, from Kellogg's Pop-Tarts admonition that "[i]f pastry is overheated, frosting/filling can become extremely hot and could cause burns" to the Black Cat Fireworks label: "Caution: flammable. Do not put in mouth." If, on the other hand, you manage to escape the heat with a trip to the beach, be warned that a twenty-inch beach ball is "NOT a lifesaving device." Kids (and maybe even parents) might be forgiven, however, for thinking that Mr. Bubbles Body Wash for Kids of All Ages would be okay to use if they missed the warning label: "Caution. Keep out of reach of young children."

In the brave new world of technology, users frustrated by the gobbledygook of users' manuals will be relieved that their warning labels at least make sense: the Sun StarOffice End User License Agreement warns users that "software is not designed, licensed or intended for use in the design, construction, operation or maintenance of any nuclear facility," while the SGI IRIS Indigo Workstation manual tells you, "Don't dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at coworkers." And for those who just can't quite figure out what to do with some of their new purchases, this might help: "Use Gold Dial as you would ordinary soap" explains the Dial soap label.

Compiled by Jeff Koon and Andy Powell, this hilarious collection features the best contributions from the hundreds of thousands of fans of their Web sites, www.dumblaws.com and www.dumbwarnings.com, and forty-two original drawings by illustrator Tim Carroll.