The Eros Equation outlines a unique approach to creating happy and long-lasting relationships. Rather than focusing on the other person or situations over which the reader has no control, this book offers readers a tool to discover new and creative responses to the situation. This is challenging but also empowering. The rewards are a greater ability to resolve issues, deeper self-knowledge, and more intimacy and harmony in the relationship.
Author Eve Hogan is a relationship adviser who has worked directly with clients and written relationship columns for newspapers, magazines and websites for over 15 years. During this time she successfully used the EROS equation in her own marriage and further developed it to help others.
She explains in the Introduction, ?? working on my primary relationship, consulting with colleagues, helping clients, I began to see that we often become unhappy when events in our lives do not create the outcomes we want and we get stuck. I realized that, in fact, it is not the situation but our response to an event that creates a particular outcome. If we change the way we respond, we can create the space to find new solutions, ones that can make us happy. I tested this way of looking at a problem with friends, clients and colleagues and it worked every time. I named this problem-solving approach the EROS Equation because it can be written as: Event + Response = Outcome & Solution (E + R = O & S). A beautiful mnemonic shorthand, I love this name because, in Greek mythology, Eros was the god of love, and this simple, creative solution directly serves the cause of love.”
As Hogan explains, the EROS equation makes clear that the key to solving a problem is the Response: if we change a habitual but unhelpful response to an Event — a problem, an uncomfortable situation, a behavior we don’t like — we make room to change the Outcome to one that is Solution-oriented.
Based on this guiding principle, The Eros Equation provides direction for those looking for solutions to problems in their romantic and other relationships. Writing in accessible, short chapters, Hogan uses real-life examples to look at typical relationship problems and conflicts that range from day-to-day annoyances to extramarital affairs. She highlights behaviors and responses that haven’t worked, and then uses the Eros Equation to show how the reader’s own wisdom, intuition and creativity can reveal solutions that repair and rebuild.
In each case, the Eros Equation is used to separate the real conflict or misunderstanding from a habitual or unhelpful response that masquerades as a solution but actually blocks it. Hogan shows how alternatives suggested by the formula can lead to responses that will achieve a positive outcome. These may include developing a deeper level of self-awareness, identifying what their emotions reveal about a partner, or how new understanding can be used to better align words, thoughts and actions with desired goals.
The book includes guidelines for being compassionate, as well as strategies for negotiating for change. With increased self-awareness and understanding may come the realization that the relationship serves neither person, and the book provides support and advice for working through the idea of leaving.
The Eros Equation is a profound tool, an effective formula that has helped many to create and sustain loving, healthy relationships. In the hands of readers, the EROS Equation can truly serve the god of love.
