Reflections ─ A Life in Torment

Bonnie has had more than her share of setbacks. All told, she has had almost thirty major operations that could have been fatal. To put everything into perspective, she needed to reflect on her life by telling about and writing about her situation.

I still believe that Bonnie has gotten through these situations because she was never at fault.

Since she was a child, she has been faced with problems that she had no control over. This is a tribute to her amazing mental strength. I myself learned to be stronger through her. I thank her for this.

- Adam

Let me introduce myself: I am Bonnie, a young woman with a handicap. Because of my illness, I have had many operations. As a result, I felt confined and restricted by my illness, which could, at any moment, engulf me once again. I was pushed into a corner, and I often thought that the world didn't understand me. Few realized how much I longed for a normal life with normal feelings and needs. Everybody looked upon me as a sickly woman who had to play the part. It came to the point that I was so tied up with my emotions I knew I couldn't go on as I was. I had to release myself from my cage. I wanted to sort out my problems, and gradually, the idea of writing my life's story came to be. It would be a difficult task because I have trouble with reading and writing, but I had to prove that in spite of my illness, I could achieve something.

Every day, my husband, Adam, wrote down what I related to him. It was a disturbing time for us because it brought back many memories. We knew that we had to continue putting the facts in a row; this is what made my life the way it was. It was a puzzle, and I had to bring all of the pieces together.

I consider myself a lucky person because by telling my story and having it put on paper, I found a way to let my feelings out. The further I got into the book, the more I felt the stress slide off me. I have had the chance to take a clear look at my life. It is like a sad movie: the second time you watch it, you are less emotionally touched by it. Through telling, writing, reading, and rereading my story, I have finally found where my faults lie. I understand why I was abandoned by so many people; I wasn't always good company to be with. The most important part is that I have accepted my life the way it is. I can't change the fact that I depend on a drain to live, but I can still make the most out of every moment of every day. My puzzle is finished, my tension has gone, and I have reached my goal. I can start the New Year with a clean slate.

- Bonnie