Break My Fall

Violence. I’m addicted to it. It’s how I feel alive. It’s the only thing that’s real any more. And now I have to sit around and discuss it like it’s physics or calculus. I can’t do it. I can’t pretend that it’s some sterile academic topic. Violence isn’t sterile. It isn’t calm. It’s pulsing. It’s alive. It’s my drug. Until I met Abby, I never wanted anything beyond the next fight. Never considered that I might finally find a way back to the land of the living. Now? Now I find myself dreaming of a woman with golden eyes. But I can never be with her. Because I am not whole. And I never will be again. But I cannot stay away. And loving her might finally be what breaks me.