Ask ─ Building Consent Culture

Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission?” Violating consent isn’t limited to sexual relationships, and our discussions around consent shouldn’t be, either. To resist rape culture, we need a consent culture—and one that is more than just reactionary. Left confined to intimate spaces, consent will atrophy as theory that is never put into practice. The multi-layered power disparities of today’s world require a response sensitive to a wide range of lived experiences. In Ask, Kitty Stryker assembles a retinue of writers, journalists, and activists to examine how a cultural politic centered on consent can empower us outside the bedroom, whether it’s at the doctor’s office, interacting with law enforcement, or calling out financial abuse within radical communities. More than a collection of essays, Ask is a testimony and guide on the role that negated consent plays in our lives, examining how we can take those first steps to reclaim it from institutionalized power.

Kitty Stryker is a writer, activist and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She was the founder of ConsentCulture.com, a hub for LGBT, kinky and polyamorous folks looking for a sex-critical approach to relationships. Kitty also cofounded the artsy sexy party Kinky Salon London, as well as creating the award-winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society and the San Francisco–based kink party Whippersnappers, and acting as head of cosplay for queer gaming convention GaymerX. Kitty tours internationally, speaking at universities and conferences about feminism, sex work, body positivity, queer politics and more. She lives in Oakland, California, with her wife, boyfriend, and two cats, Foucault and Nietzsche.