Unintended Consequences

Unintended Consequences is a story of survival for one small child plagued by the actions of others. The authors perilous journey through experiences speaks to her resilience and shows where joy was felt in the shadows. As a child, Janet would turn to drugs and alcohol. As an adult, filled with guilt and shame, Janet would find herself tied to her alcoholism and addiction and unable to see any way out. A mother at 16 and again at 18, she worked to be the best mother she could. Getting to her bottom, she would go from being a professional working woman, with a nice house and set financially, to jail, and ultimately to homeless and alone.

It started when she was young. Those things that should not happen. Sexually abused by her grandfather and other male characters, beaten and berated by her grandmother, Janet endured. There were relatives who knew things about Janet’s life, but with hands tied, metered out small amounts of kindness. Men took advantage of her inability to tell right from wrong. Janet became a runner. Trying to escape all the bad things and the feelings they brought her. She never got far, being pulled back into the darkness of her mind.

Grandmother, being the main caregiver, provided little in the way of affection or guidance. Grandmother was haunted by her own childhood. She was forced to take in two of her grandchildren when no one else wanted them. Janet’s brother was born sickly and would need constant care in infancy and childhood. Caring for her brother, Grandmother had little time left for Janet, the healthy child. Grandmother’s resentments and her own pain boiled over onto Janet.

Grandpa, although sexually abusing, was kind, if not understanding of how Grandmother treated her. As the father figure, Grandpa’s actions further confused and fractured an already fragile mind. 

An older man would abduct Janet from her home when she was fifteen. Keeping her hostage for nearly two years. On the run, facing prison, he took Janet across the country and back. He would deal out beatings and abuses. Janet would become brainwashed, living in fear every day, believing the things he told her about herself. It would be a harrowing escape for her and her infant son from this madman.

Unintended Consequences concludes with a way out and the people who were there to help her. The story sets up how change began and how the ability to change grew inside. The book brings readers into the world of recovery from the traumas, abuses, and addictions.

Unintended Consequences is my story

When young I felt invisible. Nothing made sense. I lived like a broken child; Surviving sexual, emotional, and physical abuses. Suicide was often the option to stop the pain. I Share openly about my struggles and what kept me going when things were bad.

I grew up in a small community, being forced to live and be raised by my grandparents. I had very little contact with either of my biological parents. The farm I was raised on provided my learning and training ground. There were people who passed through my life, some bringing happiness which always ended up with me feeling great loss; some bringing more tragedy to my childhood and my feelings of guilt and shame. I developed unbalanced coping skills and became an alcoholic and drug addict at an early age. I would become a maintenance drinker for most of my adult life. At twelve I started running and was picked up and placed in various foster care homes. At twelve I became an adult in my mind and would do my best to cope with my brokenness. At fifteen I left my home on the farm to go with a man eighteen year’s my senior. For many years I believed it was my choice to be with him. I know now the truth is he abducted me and kept me hostage for nearly two years. This relationship was filled with violence, sexual, psychological and physical abuses. I became a mother one month after my sixteenth birthday and again at eighteen. I tell the story that “I was a child raising children with no one to tell me how to do it”. There was little to no support from anyone in helping me raise my children. I earned an Associate’s Degree in Accounting at an early age and this provided the income my children and I needed to survive on and live well. In 1995 I found myself divorced, alone and afraid. My alcoholism took over and I returned to active drug use. For the next two years my life spiraled out of control. When there seemed to be no hope and no way out I was at my suicidal lowest, two women came into my life, with their help, a world of mental health professionals and the legal system I was able to start the long journey of growing up and healing. In 2001 I graduated a university with a Bachelor’s in Psychology. I worked in the mental health field alongside the people who were there to help me when I was at my deepest low. It has been the repeated prodding by my mental health team, my sponsors and many of the women I have helped to write my story. That started my writing journey. My life took another turn in 2016 when I suffered an Anoxia brain injury in ICU which took away my ability to work and gave me the time to focus on writing. I am more than a survivor. I am an overcomer.