Truly Askew ― Recovery Beyond Reason

Reality is absurd. Impossible. Ludicrous. Despite this, humanity labors tirelessly in a misguided attempt to make sense of it. The folly of this enterprise grows ever more apparent as one attempts to crack the cosmic code; knowing more leads inevitably to understanding less.Embracing the chaotic irrationality of existence, and taking delight in it, is preferable to being disappointed, even enraged, by the mystery. Learning to view preposterousness not as an enemy but an ally offers enormous advantages to those keen on enjoying life.The level of acceptance required to accomplish this did not come naturally to me. At the advanced age of 36, fate unceremoniously dumped me on the path of spiritual growth, slammed the door, and locked it. The demon in charge of my education was Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder).Mania raged in the full flower of its righteous, unhinged glory; complete with random strikes of lightning and unrepentant wrath. Pieces of my bourgeois life fled magically; marriage, house, money, jobs, even family. Racing recklessly around a yawning void, I finally summoned the courage to fight.With determination born of terror, desperation, and more than a little spite, I plunged headfirst into talk therapy. There was no other option. Defeating one of the most severe forms of mental illness demanded a search for the source of my fears. I embarked on an internal odyssey.To fully understand what had happened, and to help others as well, I wrote a memoir about my experience (Invisible Driving). This proved to be a fantastically difficult undertaking, both technically and emotionally. Upon completion, I bathed for some time in the illusion of mastery. I thought my struggles were done.Complacency brought a different internal monster to the foreground: addiction. After plowing my car into a cement barricade, fate slammed yet another door and ushered me into the nicotine-stained church basements of Alcoholics Anonymous.In AA I found camaraderie, discipline, and practical philosophy. Having been “softened up” by many years of therapy, I absorbed ideas quickly and was soon regarded as a de facto teacher. While I had assiduously avoided this role all my life, I learned to love it simply because, for the first time, I was well positioned to be of service.That was 18 clean and sober years ago (I even gave up cigarettes). The spiritual path led me to the point where I avoid self-destructive behavior in favor of health and usefulness. Being a writer, this naturally led to sharing my experience publicly; hence, Truly Askew.Buried within the ramshackle humor, tactless sincerity, and unrepentant iconoclasm of these 72 vignettes and 240 quotes, is a thoroughly authentic story of recovery and redemption I hope will delight, amuse, reveal, and provoke. All stories and essays were originally written individually and assembled chronologically later. Some are autobiographical snapshots, some dive into the experience of bipolar disorder and substance abuse, while others speak directly to the recovery process. There are even a few satirical sketches which first appeared in my mental health humor column. Interspersed are epigrams, adages, and aphorisms. These enigmatic tidbits are united by my quest for immutable truth. Many are absurd, self-contradictory, funny, odd, counterintuitive, maddening, and uncooperative in a host of other ways. I did not set out to make them difficult, they are truly askew because life is truly askew. Frankly, the true of life is often most evident in the askew-ness of it. The vignettes guide you along my journey of discovery; the quotes glow with the insight and happiness that came of it.