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Steven Gauge played the least amount of rugby he could get away with at school before perfecting the art of avoiding games masters and any sporting activity whatsoever. A few decades later, as part of a comprehensive midlife crisis, he found himself as captain of the third-worst rugby side in Surrey, Warlingham fourth XV where he unhelpfully extended the careers of several other players who really should have retired sooner. Unable to survive on the meager earnings from the sales of his first rugby book, My Life as a Hooker, Steven is hard at work in the rough and tumble world of political consultancy. He feels a lot safer there than at the bottom of a heaving pile of 15 malodorous and overweight men.
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