A Life Sentence: Words From The Pen

"Will the defendants please rise." I stand up and check out the courtroom. So many of my loved ones came that some had to sit where the victim's family usually sits. I scan the faces in the crowd. Dad, brother, sisters, Grandpa, homies, exes, and my girl . I don't see my mom and I automatically assume her anxiety just can't take this . I look at the Jury. My supposed "peers". Thirty years my senior, white Suburban peers. I laugh under my breath. I have never seen any of these people in the hood. How the hell could they be my peers? I look at the one black man on the Jury hoping I can get an answer from his face, but he won't look in my direction . As a matter of fact, no one is looking my way, almost as though they are purposely refusing to lock eyes with me. My heart hits my stomach. I knew when they picked this Jury that my codefendant and I would be found guilty. It was nothing like the first trial that had younger people and a mix of different races on the Jury. Nope. When they started striking off the younger jurors and the black folks I knew what was going to happen. Those were my peers Not these folks in front of me. I gaze at the only young girl who looks around my age on the Jury. She's avoiding my gaze. I see tears running down her face. Damn. I look down at my hands and bite the inside of my cheek. I am not going to cry in front of these people, no matter what happens. "Has the Jury found the verdict?" The whole courtroom goes silent to hear my fate. "Yes your honor" The foreman paused for what seemed like an eternity. "We the Jury find the defendant guilty on count one...... " My soul died right there at that moment. I couldn't hear anything over my heart beat. The doors to the courtroom swing open and I see my Mom. She doesn't even realize that she just walked in to her son being auctioned off to the state. My niece is with her, my surprise for me coming home, I guess. I'm sorry mama. I look down and see my niece, we lock eyes and she instantly gets that wide grin and screams "Hey Bam Bam". I'm sorry, baby girl. The Foreman continues, "On count three; guilty." I watch the soul leave my mother's eyes. She looks at me and says "Oh no". I look at my dad, he can't even hold his head up. "Pop come get me" I whispered to myself. When they are done convicting me to the state, the courtroom erupts in protest. The room is filled with screams, sobs and the judge's gavel. The DA has the happiest smile on her face. Her job protecting the public is finished. Another menace gone off the street. The young juror looks at me and mouths "I'm sorry". Yeah, me too. As they grab me to take me6back to the cage I see my girl sobbing, her sister is holding her up. "Baby it's okay, I'm one step closer to being able to hold you". She can barely mutter an "I love you" without choking up. As they walk me out I smile at my loved ones. A job well done. I didn't let anybody see me shed a tear. But once I walked out the courtroom, alone with just myself and the officers, I broke down. I realize that I just witnessed my own death in front of my family. I just watched people mourn the loss of me. The only thing I have now is faith and a life sentence