Amanda, a mother or a slut?

ADULT CONTENT

"There were now two distinct parts of my life, Amanda, the guilt ridden wife and mother who had acted like a slut for her husband's pleasure and Amanda the college student who was free to enjoy the life of a free and single woman. I understand now that because of my upbringing, my husband and children, I felt that I should have a certain lifestyle, with proper behavior and controlled emotions. When things turned out different from that, I reacted with shame and guilt and my self-image fell even farther downward. Because my husband, Trevor, didn't seem to value me, I responded by not valuing myself either. I did what Trevor asked me to do because I felt I had no right to say no or to refuse to degrade myself. I was tied to him and totally dependent in our relationship. My life at school was a separate, secret life. I had removed all responsibility as a wife or mother. I felt no compulsion to "behave" in a certain way, so there was no guilt about what I did. I did what I chose to do, for myself! I quickly learned to step from one life to the other, keeping my thoughts and emotions separated accordingly"