When I See Blue

12-year-old Ben has a bully in his brain who tells him what to do. It makes dealing with a new school, new town and parents who are falling apart seem impossible. This heartfelt story about a boy with OCD celebrates how friendship can make you brave and find the strength to overcome anything ...

A Read for Empathy Collection Choice, chosen by EmpathyLab

New town, new school, but the bully is in Ben's head ...

There are 4 things you should know about Ben:
1. He's 12 years old
2. He's the new kid at school
3. His special number is 4
4. He has a bully in his brain

Sometimes Ben's brain makes him count to 4 to prevent bad things happening. Sometimes it makes him tap or blink in 4s. Mostly it makes the smallest things feel impossible. And with a new school, a moody big brother, an absent dad and a mum battling her own demons, Ben feels more out of control than ever. But then he meets April, and with his new friend, Ben might finally figure out how to stand up to the bully in his brain, once and for all.

An authentic and affecting #ownvoices story about living life with OCD, from the inspiring author and mental health activist, Lily Bailey. Perfect for readers of A Kind of Spark and Wonder.

***WINNER of the LEWISHAM BOOK AWARD***
***WINNER of the READING RAMPAGE AWARD***
***WINNER of the COVENTRY INSPIRATION BOOK AWARDS***
***WINNER of the WARWICKSHIRE SECONDARY BOOK AWARD***

'With characters you will take to your heart and never want to leave, this is a heart-warming and joyous read about the importance of empathy and understanding.' The Scotsman

'This book deserves to sit alongside Wonder as a modern classic.' Read and Reviewed blog

'What Wonder does for people with physical deformity - When I see Blue will, without doubt, do for those with OCD ... this is a story of hope.' Sue Chambers, Waterstones bookseller

Lily Bailey is a writer. She first became a journalist in London in 2012, editing a news site and writing features and fashion articles for local publications including the Richmond Magazine and the Kingston Magazine.

As a child and teenager, Lily suffered from severe Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). She kept her illness private, until the widespread misunderstanding of the disorder spurred her into action. In 2014 she began campaigning for better awareness and understanding of OCD. Her first book, Because We Are Bad (May 2016), recounts her experience of OCD, and was published in the UK, US, Australia and Germany. In 2019, she was awarded the Illumination Award, which is presented by the IOCDF to media personalities and influencers who have accurately and respectfully represented OCD and related disorders. She continues to write and speak publicly about OCD and mental illness, and blogs for Psychology Today.

Lily grew up in London, she now lives in Kent with her dog Rocky and her partner. She enjoys watching Doctor Who, swimming and playing chess (not very well). Lily usually prefers dogs to people and can ride a tandem bicycle. She is a former model, which she makes up for by being deeply uncool.