The Trial of Eve: A Metaphysical Satire

Have you ever noticed yourself noticing things? Dangerous habit, that.

I should know. I'm being prosecuted for it. Turns out the forbidden fruit wasn't an apple after all-it was the sudden, vertiginous moment when consciousness folds back on itself and realizes it's conscious. The Department of Cosmic Order has spent millennia scrubbing this awareness from reality, and now they're dragging me into Courtroom Aleph for introducing the contagion.

Officially, the charges read "introduction of unauthorized metacognitive awareness" and "destabilization of primary ontological frameworks." Between us, I think they're just annoyed that reality has started responding to perception in ways their instruction manuals never covered.

They've assigned me a defense attorney who believes in absolute truth with the same unwavering certainty with which he color-codes his filing system. Poor Daniel hasn't realized yet that he's caught in the same delicious paradox I am-you can't think about why thinking about thinking is forbidden without... well, you're clever enough to see the problem.

The walls of the courtroom occasionally forget they're solid, evidence has an inconvenient habit of existing before its cause, and Judge Themis-who must remain blindfolded to "see with true clarity"-keeps insisting these metaphysical hiccups are completely normal and have absolutely nothing to do with reality becoming increasingly responsive to the awareness they're trying to prosecute me for spreading. The bailiff's chair turned into a question mark yesterday, but that was apparently "scheduled maintenance."

I wouldn't normally suggest breaking universal laws, but since you've read this far, you're already complicit. You've just experienced yourself experiencing these words. Noticed yourself noticing. There's no going back from that particular revelation, I'm afraid.

So why not join me for the proceedings? I can't promise your perception of reality will remain unchanged. But I can promise it will be more interesting than whatever else you were planning to do with your consciousness today.

Go ahead...take a bite.