Gotta Laugh to Keep from Crying: I Didn't Start Living Until I Thought I Was Dying

"Gotta Laugh to Keep from Crying: I Didn't Start Living Until I Thought I Was Dying" is a raw, unfiltered memoir about pain, perseverance, and transformation. Told through the eyes of Duane Bowser--formerly known as The Black Dot--this story peels back the layers of what it means to survive trauma while wearing a smile, to laugh when all you want to do is scream, and to find purpose in the very pain that once tried to destroy you.
From the gunshots of the Bronx to the quiet, aching moments of childhood neglect, Duane shares a powerful truth--sometimes our loudest laughs come from the deepest wounds. This is not just his story--it's the story of anyone who's ever masked their heartbreak with humor, smiled to avoid crying, or carried trauma for so long that it started to feel like a part of you.
In this deeply personal journey, Duane confronts the trauma he tucked away for decades--addictions, abandonment, illness, shame--and shows what it really takes to heal from a life of constantly being in survival mode. It's about the boy who saw too much, the teen who numbed the pain, and the man who had to go back and face it all just so he could move forward. However, in doing so, he found true laughter, love, legacy, and himself. This is a story for the overcomers. The silent sufferers. The heroes who cry behind closed doors. If you've ever hidden your tears behind jokes, pushed through life while carrying invisible wounds, or wondered if healing was even possible--this book is your mirror.
You are not alone. This is more than a memoir--it's a movement. A guide. A healing anthem for those ready to reclaim their voice, confront their past, and finally start living.