Breaking The Cycle Of Abuse: How To Move Beyond Your Past To Create An Abuse-Free Future

"A beacon of hope for women and men who fear that they will pass the abuse they have suffered on to their children, partners, or employees. Humane and compassionate but also clear and down to earth, this is a wonderful contribution to the literature on healing."
--Lundy Bancroft, author of When Dad Hurts Mom and Why Does He Do That?

"In this remarkably powerful, wise, and compassionate book, Beverly Engel leads readers step by step through a program that will help survivors of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood to heal from their wounds so they don't need to re-enact their abusive pasts. She offers expert advice and strategies to help parents and would-be parents avoid doing to their children what was done to them and helps both abusers and victims in emotionally and physically abusive relationships make vitally important changes in their relationships."
--Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail

If you were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child or adolescent, or if you experienced neglect or abandonment, it isn't a question of whether you will continue the cycle of abuse but rather a question of how--whether you will become an abuser or continue to be a victim. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, a leading expert on emotional and sexual abuse, explains how to stop the cycle of abuse once and for all. Her step-by-step program provides the necessary skills for gaining control over emotions, changing negative attitudes, learning healthy ways of communicating, healing the damage from prior abuse, and seeking out support.

Throughout, Engel shares many dramatic personal stories including her own experiences with abusive behavior. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse gives you the power to shatter abusive patterns for good and offers a legacy of hope and healing for you and your family.

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse. A licensed marriage and family therapist for twenty-eight years, she is the author of many nonfiction books dealing with emotional and sexual abuse, including The Emotionally Abused Woman and The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Her four most recent books are The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Honor Your Anger, Loving Him without Losing You, and The Power of Apology, which was a finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards. Engel conducts workshops and professional training programs throughout the United States and has appeared on many national television shows and networks, including Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Rapha?l, CNN, and others.

Acknowledgments.

Introduction.

Part One: Understanding the Legacy of Abuse.

1. What Will Be Your Legacy?

2. Assessing Your Risk Factors.

3. Why We Do to Others (and Ourselves) What Was Done to Us.

Part Two: Facing the Truth and Facing Your Feelings.

4. Coming Out of Denial 59

5. Learn to Identify and Manage Your Emotions 72

6. Learn How to Identify and Manage Your Shame 86

7. Managing Your Anger 115

8. Coping with Fear 138

Part Three: Abuse Prevention Strategies.

9. How to Prevent Partner Abuse 157

10. How to Prevent Child Abuse 181

11. If You Have Already Become Abusive 202

12. If You Have Already Been Abused or Established a Victim Pattern.

Part Four: Long-Term Strategies to Help You Break the Cycle.

13.Emotionally Separating from Your Parents.

14.Facing the Truth about Your Family Legacy.

15.Breaking into the Dysfunctional Family System.

16.Continue to Heal.

Epilogue.

Resources.

References.

Recommended Reading.

Index.