Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship: How to Break the Cycle of Arguments, Put-Downs, and Stony Silences

Has your once-happy home become a battlefield? Does your partner's sarcasm, irritability, or hostility make you wonder where the closeness and trust have goneuand how much more you can take? No matter how much you tiptoe around, give in to keep the peace, or argue back, nothing seems to change how your partner acts. That's because the surest way to break the cycle of anger is to change the way you react.

If anger is poisoning your relationship, this book offers a powerful antidote. Anger expert W. Robert Nay shares the stories of numerous couples he has worked with and provides practical techniques for responding productively to inappropriate expressions of anger. Dr. Nay presents self-quizzes, problem-solving advice, and concrete steps you can take to:

Understand how anger gains a foothold in a couple's life.

Stop blaming yourself or making excuses for your partner's anger.

Learn how your usual responses may unwittingly reward bad behavior.

Change the "thinking habits" that keep you stuck in accepting the unacceptable.

Decide what behavior you can tolerate, and where you draw the line.

Set clear boundaries and express them to your partner.

Distinguish anger from verbal or physical abuse.

Stand up for yourself in ways that promote lasting change.

Dr. Nay explains specific strategies for responding to different faces of anger, from "innocent" teasing or "joking" sarcasm, to occasional flares of temper, to anger that's more intense, frequent, and intentionally hurtful. You'll also learn ways to confront less obvious forms of angry behavior, such as passiveuaggression and withholding. With or without your partner's cooperation, you can make changes that will restore your well-being and self-esteem. In doing so, you'll be inviting your partner to join you in a more rewarding and harmonious relationship.

Grounded in psychological science, the techniques in this book are simple yet surprisingly effective. Try them for yourselfuand for the person you love.

W. Robert Nay, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in McLean, Virginia, and Annapolis, Maryland, and Clinical Associate Professor at Georgetown University School of Medicine. He has trained thousands of mental health professionals nationwide to work on anger management and relationship issues with their clients. The author of Taking Charge of Anger, Dr. Nay lives in Annapolis with his wife. His website is www.wrobertnay.com.