Make Peace With Your Mind ─ How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic

The voice of the Inner Critic is pervasive. It is perhaps the number one source of unhappiness and suffering in the modern world. The good news is you can do something about this tyrant who threatens to torment you on every step of your life journey. With the concrete and proven tools presented in You Are Not Your Fault, you can develop the awareness and compassion necessary to take control of your inner judge and create a more peaceful, joyful existence.
At its worst, the Inner Critic urges us to buy into a twisted version of reality, one in which we are never good enough, we aren’t worthy, and we can never atone for our mistakes or forgive those of others. It won’t let you forget that you messed upwhether you made a wrong turn, bet on a losing stock, or chose the crazy person to date. Unable to forgive ourselves, we also find ourselves lacking the ability to truly forgive others.

Sometimes the Critic takes on a friendlier tone, yet this can prove just as insidious. The tyrant disguises itself as a helpful coach who says things like you really should try harder and you can do better. But these messages undermine our wellbeing and self-esteem. The Critic also drives the habit of comparing, reminding us there is always someone smarter, younger, thinner, kinder, wealthier, more talented and more successful out there.

What gives the Inner Critic its power is the way it tunes into our inner world, attacking who we are at our essence. Driven by its intimate knowledge of our weaknesses and insecurities, we end up in a bitter, panicked, and endless quest to get more and be moreof anything and everything: grander houses, higher salaries, more cars, bigger 401Ks, and more and more stuff. The Critic tells us to lose weight, get fit, be prettier, have a better relationship, raise more perfect children, and make more of an impact on the world. Beaten down into depression or struggling to find relief from the constant turmoil of anxiety and insomnia this voice creates, we end up suffering from eating disorders, workaholism, anger management problems, addiction, and engaging in many other forms of self-harm.

Thankfully, you don’t have to let this tyrant rule your inner world. You can make a conscious choice to live differently. With the simple gifts of mindfulness and compassion, and by practicing the behaviors presented in You Are Not Your Fault, you can discover a whole new way of being in the world. You can let go of harsh judgments of self and others. You can open your eyes to the truth that you are already more than enough. You can come to rest in a peaceful place of love, understanding and forgiveness.

You Are Not Your Fault draws upon Mark Coleman’s deep well of personal and professional experience, synthesizing the wisdom he have gained in a way that everyday people can relate to on a heart level. For the past 15 years, he have traveled the world teaching mindfulness and compassion, leading meditation retreats, and coaching executives in overcoming this harmful internal voice. As the founder of The Mindfulness Institute, he have served as a consultant and executive coach at Fortune 500 companies across North America and Europe, including Facebook, Seagate, US Bank, the Gap, Comcast, Gucci, and Proctor and Gamble. He also works as a master trainer for the Search Inside Yourself mindfulness and emotional intelligence program, initially developed at Google and now being offered at multi-billion dollar corporations across the globe.

People everywhere, from all walks of life, suffer as a result of the Inner Critic. No one is immune to its impact. Almost all of us have a sense that whatever we do, whatever we areit is simply not enough. Professors at Harvard don’t think they are smart enough. Successful Wall Street traders can’t stay sharp enough. Life-long palliative care nurses don’t feel caring enough. Priests don’t believe they are spiritual enough. Writers are convinced they’re not eloquent enough. Professional cyclists fail to train hard enough. And this is a problemfor individuals as well as society as a wholebecause with not enough” as our mantra, there is no stopping, no firm ground on which to rest, no time in which to enjoy a natural state of contentment. The Inner Critic leads to restlessness, a constant itch, a never-ending search for more. It is a hunger that can’t be satiated.

When we listen to the voice of the Inner Critic with discernment and compassion, on the other hand, we create space for everything that is bigger than it. We understand that a happy life and successful relationshipswith ourselves as well as with othersshould be based on love, kindness, and forgiveness rather than negativity, faultfinding, and judgment. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we can escape completely from our Inner Critic, but it does allow us to no longer be defined by what’s lacking, what’s not good enough.” Whatever we become aware of through mindfulness, and approach from then on with compassion, can change. We can free ourselves from the true cause of our suffering, which is not our shortfalls” or mistakes,” but rather our private judge who beats us up with its relentless insistence on perfection.

You can approach this book as a roadmap, a guide to exploring the jungles and thickets of your psyche. We will discover what the Inner Critic is, how it manifests, where it comes from and why, as well as what strengthens and weakens it. You Are Not Your Fault is a practical manual revealing how to skillfully and effectively work with the internal tyrant so that it no longer causes the pain we’ve become so accustomed to bearing in our everyday lives.

So, what is in You Are Not Your Fault, and why is the book so helpful? In order to take power back from the Inner Critic, you need two essential skills. They are like the wings of a bird, without which flight is impossible. These are: awareness and compassion. Awareness comes through the practice of mindfulness. Compassion comes through the practice of metta, or loving-kindness, and turning toward pain with caring attention.

Mindfulness meditation gives you the awareness to see what is happening in your mind and body with focused clarity. It helps you realize that your disparaging mental voices are profound sources of suffering. Once you have seen this truth, then you can work to free yourself from the Inner Critic’s reign. What you can discover through mindfulness mediation is far superior to any pill, philosophy or panacea. And it works much better than raging against the machine.
The next groundbreaking shift comes by taking up the meditation practice known as metta, which means friendliness or unconditional care. Through this technique, you learn the radical act of turning toward myself with loving-kindness. So rarely do we treat ourselves with anywhere near the compassion and understanding that we do another person, even a stranger! This practice asks you to hold yourself with the same positive regard with which you would approach a dearly beloved friend or an innocent child, offering healing words and genuine wishes of happiness. As a way of being, it is wildly contrary to how we usually go about life in the modern world.

T originator of these practices, the Buddha, was in essence one of the world’s earliest neuroscientists. He looked intensively at the empirical data of his own mind, studying it with a concentrated lens refined by years of arduous meditation. Today, his discoverythat the mind can change and grow depending on what and how it pays attention to thingshas been confirmed by researchers studying neuroplasticity. Our brains are not computers running a fixed, unalterable program. On the contrary, they are dynamic and responsive, capable of shifting, allowing us to develop new, healthy habits that support our inner peace.

You Are Not Your Fault will inspire readers of all ages, whether confronting crises in their life, dealing with depression or anxiety or addiction, struggling to find relief from the treadmill of always needing to be and do more, or simply looking to be more fully present in everyday life. In all these cases, people will find comfort in the book’s pages. Like the perennial favorites Radical Acceptance and The Road Less Travelled, this wisdom book will appeal to a broad general audience by shedding light on fundamental insights into transforming our suffering so that we can better appreciate and enjoy the gift of our existence.

In each chapter of You Are Not Your Fault, Mark Coleman offers easily digestible insights into what creates, drives, and disarms the Critic, as well as examples from real people’s journeys to which every reader can relate. Chapters conclude with a simple meditation practice to put prescriptions into practice. Each chapter stands alone, opening a doorway to transformation. Taken as a whole, the text leads readers into another dimension of love and compassion for themselves and others. It enables us to tap into the strength, courage, and wisdom that all of us already possess within ourselves. It shows the way to discover new levels of inner freedom. It reveals how we can form a whole new relationship with life.

Mark Coleman, M.A., founder of Awake in the Wild and The Mindfulness Institute, is an internationally recognized mindfulness facilitator who has guided students on five continents to find greater peace and fulfillment through nature-based mindfulness practice and mindfulness retreats. The author of Awake in the Wild, Mark is also a corporate consultant, individual counselor, poet, wilderness guide, and outdoor adventurer.

Mark Coleman has been studying meditation practices since 1981, primarily within the Insight meditation (Buddhist) tradition. He has been teaching meditation retreats since 1997. His teaching is influenced by studies with many great teachers in the Buddhist tradition as well as from Advaita and Tibetan teachers in Asia and the West, and through his teacher training with Jack Kornfield. Mark primarily teaches at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California, as well as nationally, in Europe and India.

He leads backpacking retreats, nature-based retreats, and has taught retreats for environmental activists at Vallecitos Mountain Ranch in New Mexico, and at Knoll Farm in Vermont. In the Bay Area, Mark has a counseling practice, where he integrates his Masters in Clinical Psychology and meditative work and works with people how to integrate their mindfulness practice into daily life. He is the author ofAwake in the Wild Mindfulness in Nature as a path of Self-Discovery.

Mark has been an avid hiker, and backpacker for most of his life and spends much of his time in the outdoors. He lives in the woods in Marin County, Northern California. He likes nothing more than wandering in the mountains of the Sierra Nevada.

Mark is also a mindfulness consultant bringing mindfulness to a variety of corporate settings including companies such as Proctor and Gamble, Gucci, Prana, Dolce Gabbana, Gap, Responsys and others. He leads trainings in mindfulness as well as offering mindfulness based executive coaching helping professionals integrate a wise mindful awareness into all aspects of life.

For more information, visit TheMindfulnessInstitute.com.