People Change Like Seasons: Trivial yet Essential Life Chapters

At first, I thought I finally got over all of those life chapters while writing. But somewhere inside of me I wasn't healed from all of that at all. I don't feel the same anymore. Is It because I finally realized That I've been living for others All this time And not for myself..? Was I living for others and felt happy? Did I not live for myself all this time? It feels like a withdrawal symptom. How long will this last? I want to feel again... Do I have to live for myself for that? But no one has ever taught me how to live. How to love me. I learned how to love others. I learned how to live with others. For others. To make them happy, made me happy. I never learned how to live and love myself. Is that why I'm feeling weird? Because I want to make myself happy? Is that so? I don't feel the same anymore I don't feel different either So, what is this feeling? Is this even a feeling? I don't even know anymore. Is it because of the people I have lived for? For someone like me they'd choose not to die for? Have I lost myself by gaining you?