Shamed to Madness - A Journey to Hell and Back

Andrew Johns is a retired, 62-year-old gay male.

Being raised by fundamentalist Christian missionary parents, Johns faced ongoing personal struggles due to his emerging attraction to other males, which his church and parents impressed upon him was an abomination to God. Growing up in a Christian environment Johns was shamed and persecuted by his parents and church (as well as his peers) simply for being who he was, Gay.

Oscillating between church and gay environments throughout his life and facing significant turmoil due to what he believed was the incongruence between his religious beliefs and gay identity, at times Johns became mentally and emotionally traumatised by his life's circumstances which pushed him to the point of 'madness'.

Johns made several attempts to renounce his homosexuality and tried to adopt a Christian heterosexual identity, which exacerbated feelings of guilt, shame, loss of identity, and periods of chronic mental illness resulting in him being detained in a psychiatric facility on five occasions between the ages of 22 and 49. At one stage Johns attended a church run 'conversion program' to rid himself of what he thought was an insidious sin.

Johns' autobiography is honest, self-revealing and sometimes confronting, going into first time encounters and loves, including a weekend camping trip that turned out to be more 'camp' than expected and an intimate experience with a female friend after a night out on his 25th birthday, as well as his varied experiences in the church and gay worlds.

In his first piece of writing Johns takes the reader on an honest and self-revealing journey, exhibiting a keen insight into who he has become and how his life experiences have impacted his sense of self, finally to a place of self-acceptance, contentment and inner peace.