The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve

The purity culture movement rose to prominence in the 1990s, celebrated by certain Evangelical Christians who discouraged young people from having sex, prized virginity as the ultimate virtue, and eschewed any sex education other than fear-and-shame abstinence. In some cases, this meant no kissing, hand holding, or even dating until marriage. It meant not even thinking about sex, nor causing others to think about it (this worked in one direction, gender-wise, with young women bearing that burden). A whole industry sprung up around purity culture, led by Joshua Harris' mega-selling I Kissed Dating Goodbye: purity rings, purity balls, purity pledges, purity retreats, purity programs and speakers, purity culture books and movement figureheads. The movement's sexual ethic was rooted in strict gender roles, an ironclad gender binary, homophobia, and control over women's bodies in particular, and everyone's bodies in general. The message to women was clear: your value is your virginity. Your virginity is your value. You must protect it at all costs, and you must also protect the hearts and minds of the men and boys in your community.

The result? An entire generation of people who are terrified of sex and ashamed of their sexual desire. These individuals have experienced unsatisfying sex, painful sex, and sexual assault that they blamed themselves for--or were explicitly blamed for by clergy and church members. People raised in purity culture struggle to undo the feeling that their worth is tied to their sexual purity, even decades later in committed relationships, and away from their parents' purview. Some have remained abstinent for so long that it feels like a burden when dating. Those growing up queer and trans in purity culture feel that their entire existence is shrouded in silence and shame. Many still feel ignorant or lack basic information about sex and their bodies.

As a professional sex educator for nearly twenty-five years, Erica Smith's entry into the field coincided with the height of purity culture and the continued rise of abstinence-only sex education at the start of the new millennium. As a sexuality professional, she watched the politics of the religious right influence health policy, leading to the continued funding of abstinence-only sex education, despite hard evidence that it did not achieve its stated goals of reducing teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection (STI) rates. She saw purity culture from a distance and thought, This messaging has to be f***ing people up. Erica now offers personalized one-on-one sex education sessions, support groups, online classes, and a popular Instagram account devoted to providing people raised in purity culture with the exact material that was denied them: medically accurate, shame free, comprehensive, trauma informed, LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education.

You Deserve to Know is the culmination of the material and resources Erica has developed for her Purity Culture Dropout(R) clients in an easy-to-understand format, designed to counter all the misinformation and downright harmful "sex education" that people received from purity culture. This book will address:

- Practical information about bodies that includes anatomy and physiology
- Pleasure--why it's important and how to get it
- How to communicate with partners and set healthy boundaries
- Consent and bodily autonomy
- Birth control methods, including emergency contraception
- Sexual health prevention and STI stigma
- A straightforward discussion about abortion
- Respecting and showing goodwill to partners
- Queer sexualities and genders
- The normalization of a range of sexual experiences and preferences
- A refreshing take on pornography, including porn literacy
- Creating a new sexual ethic based on the reader's own attitudes, values, and
beliefs--not ones forcibly imposed by a church
- The truth that you are a whole, worthy, and valuable person regardless of your
sexual activity