There are times when mindful mothering feels like riding a mechanical bull. I am often thrown off and end up lying dazed on a sawdust floor. I feel beaten and remorseful about my lack of skill, patience, and understanding of my child. But then I realize that for as long as I'm on the floor beating myself up, no one is riding the bull. So I pick myself up and get back on the bull. I fall a lot so I am good at getting on mid-ride. To me that's what mindful mothering boils down to: an unending commitment to getting back on the bull. After every mistake, the first thing I do is to try to stop it from snowballing into a bigger error. I try not to wallow in my regret or start blaming my kids (more than they deserve) and jump back on the bull. I might not always be in control, but I am committed to the ride.
---from Mommy Mantras
Being a mother is not easy. Mommy Mantras can help.
Mommy Mantras are phrases you can say in your head, or out loud if you need to, during those trying moments of mothering. They act to empower you, revive you, and remind you that there is always another way to see your situation. Buddhist-inspired and psychologically grounded, these snippets of wisdom come through entertaining and universal stories of unpredictable life with children.
Here are a few examples of how a mantra can help you control your reactions to those mothering circumstances largely out of your control:
When it seems like everyone else's children are better behaved (and doesn’t it always feel that way?), you can remind yourself to narrow your focus, or stop comparing your children to others, which is only bound to make you miserable.
When the monotony of caring for a toddler gets to you, remembering to surrender to the goat, as one mother did when her son insisted on feeding the same goat at the petting zoo every day, for hours, will help you recognize the importance of being in the moment, and will help you endure and even enjoy the sometimes tedious routines.
When you begin to resent that you do more housework than your spouse, despite your best intentions and all the nagging in the world, you can learn to ignore the score, or let go of keeping track, which can become an unhealthy (and unhelpful) obsession.
When your mantras seem to fail you, you can always remind yourself that I am not Buddha. Motherhood is not something we can master. We can only try to be more mindful. Even so, some days are harder than others. Mantras are the deceptively simple words we can use to diffuse stress and choose appropriate, constructive behavior so we can recognize ourselves, find our center and be more mindful and compassionate mothers.
Bethany E. Casarjian is a mother of three and the clinical director of the National Emotional Literacy Project for Youth-at-Risk.? She lives in Weston, Massachusetts.?
Diane H. Dillon is the mother of two and the Director of the Child Study Team at The School at Columbia University.? She lives in New York City.?
Both authors are psychologists who work with children and families.
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