My Abusive Marriage...and What I'm Doing in It

Has the Real You Disappeared?

• Is there a problem in your relationship but you can't put your finger on its cause?
• Have you tried fixing yourself, thinking that if you could be a better wife then the problems would go away?
• Do you find yourself doing and saying things to your partner that you wish you could take back?
• Do you wonder if you are abusive to your husband or your children?

If You Ask Those Questions...

...then chances are you are not an abuser, but the victim of abuse in your marriage. You care if you hurt someone else, but it seems like your partner does not care one bit about your feelings.

Perhaps you are at the end of your rope as Kellie Jo Holly felt when she began the blog at the heart of this book. What can you do to fix things? What works and what doesn't work? You don't want to leave your marriage any more than Kellie did, but you just can't take the craziness anymore.

Let Kellie's example lead you through the fog to a clearer, more loving relationship with yourself. Deciding to leave your marriage is heartbreaking and sometimes too much to bear. Being honest with yourself is the first step. Take Kellie's hand, walk together, then decide.

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"Kellie, once again I applaud your wisdom and your bravery. The woman who wrote you likely seeks emotional support more than anything else. Validation. Kinship. Your work is compelling, Kellie, gorgeous, eloquent. I can understand her reaching out to you. With your truths, you have profoundly touched her."

~Martha, from blog comment

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For almost 17 years, Kellie didn't define her relationship as abusive. She told herself that if she could be someone her husband could respect, then their problems would be solved.

She worked on overcoming Depression and the effects of rape. She observed the women her husband loved and tried to emulate them. She read many self-help books for herself and for couples. She forgave her husband's indiscretions, outbursts of temper, and nastiness. But nothing worked. Her husband's temper continued to flare over minor issues and she could not understand what was so "wrong" with her.

Then one day, Kellie ran across a book by Patricia Evans that opened her eyes. For the first time, Kellie clearly saw that what was wrong in her relationship had nothing to do with her personal issues, but everything to do with her husband's abusive nature. She was abused. She didn't want to believe it, but something had to be done.